Breaking the Habit
by DN 111
Summary: It dawns on him that he knows nothing about her. Kou never stalks Yoshioka, never pries into her life… like she did to him. Becoming egocentric, he had unconsciously taken her obvious affection for granted. Little did he know, what was to come. Yoshioka is not Japanese naturalized, she has American citizenship. Now, he prays that she'd understand and believe in his mutual feeling
1. Chapter 1

Hi girls, the last chapter of Ao Haru Ride pissed me off terribly. And I just had to write a two-chapter essay on it. The **purpose** is to torture fucking Kou Mabuchi. He's so stupid, such a dumbass that I don't even know why I keep up with the manga. My only excuse/justification was that I like the way the mangaka draws men and movement very much, and I do art, you see. This story is very short - it is just to vent my anger.

My main focus are the two Inuyasha stories (I'm still very faithful, don't worry)

**Chapter 1: Breaking the Habit**

Junior year was almost over, only two weeks left before another school year end. Exams were just around the corner. It had been months since he had kissed her and ended up making _that _decision. Kou ate quietly with his student-counsel friends, intently listening to Kominato blabbering about something. He could pick up the girls' muffled voices and small giggles across the table filtered through the low rowdy noise of other students in the background.

He glanced over to his right, for about the hundredth time, his eyes vexing on the half-filled bento box. His mind had once again become disquiet despite the calm and cool look his vision sent her way. She was on the phone again, leaning on a wall at the dining hall entrance. She has been engaged in a suspicious phone call during lunch every day, for almost two weeks already. Kou watched the girl's grim expression and the dejected look her aura exuded as she spoke, inaudibly to his ears.

He averted his attention back to his meal, careful to avoid the prying eyes of their close friends sitting around the table - too much for his secret affection toward Yoshioka. Completely released the fork on the plate, he pondered…

A nagging weight began to pull at his heart as his memory traced back to the conversation he had with Youichi, his brother, a few days ago.

"_Kou, you know. I found out something strange today that I thought you would like to know," his brother shared as he took a stack of three ceramic bowls out of the cupboard. _

_A sense of premonition crept in as Kou delivered the steak dish onto the table. "Hmm?"_

_A momentarily silence filled in while both brothers sat down, waiting for their father… and Narumi. "Uhm… I learned that Futaba is an American citizen. She is not Japanese naturalized."_

"_What?" What? The younger boy stared, flabbergasted at the serious demeanor lining his brother's sharp features. He peered silently, impatient for further explanation._

"_I dropped by the office today for a cup of coffee when I overheard the principle talking to the class counselor about Futaba's nationality, and about her mother trying to convince them about something. But another teacher passed by the lounge, so I had to give up eavesdropping."_

_Kou's eyes glued on the food and became unfocused as they darkened at the blow of his brother's words. Gripping the chopsticks tight with his right hand, the shock washing through his face quickly turned into confusion before dissolving…._

"_Kou" _

"Kou, can you pass me the black peppers?" a feminine voice called from his left. "Kou?"

"Kou!" A deep voice called from his right and he felt a gentle shove on his shoulder.

"Geez, get your head out of the gutter, will you?"

Being rudely pulled out of his stupor, Kou ceased his forehead as he watched Kominato sent the black pepper container skidding across the table… towards Yoshioka.

The said girl winked Kominato a cheery 'thank you' before she turned to give Kou an incredulous look, aiming to jokingly exasperate at his daydreaming. _She isn't mad at him anymore, is she? _ Then she shot her attention back to the girls.

"How was my chemistry notes yesterday? Did it help?" she chirped, her eyes gleaming with mirth and light. It was very difficult for him to tell if the life in those hazel orbs of hers is real or fake.

"Yeah, you're our lifesavers girl. Oh… Oh, I want my English score as perfect as yours. How do you always get top score in it?" Yuuri gleefully asked while Shuuko calmly nodded multiple times.

"Hahaa, you'll be surprise how much I studied for that damn language."

More chattering filled in the strangely amiss atmosphere, before Kou snapped his eyes back to the three girls.

"I won't be hanging around much with you guys this summer." He heard her soft voice between quick sighs.

"What?" Beating Kou to his relayed response, Kominato lowly inquired, fully aware that Yoshioka wasn't addressing to just the girls anymore, but to the whole group.

"I will be taking a few weeks of vacation in Florida." She replied, her lilting tune bordering hesitation as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, eyes on no one but the food. "For family gathering," she added.

"You have family oversea?" Shuuko asked, her voice quite soft and sad despite the calm exterior.

"Distant family. I live with mom and dad and my older brother here though." Yoshioka offered her explanation.

Yuuri sighed, "Anyway, just be back early so we can at least hang out for a few days before senior year start."

"Yeah, yea…" the gold-eye girls chuckled. "Don't worry."

…. The background rumbling noises wafted back into his ear canals as he tried to make sense out of her words. His brain was repeatedly attacked with a jumble of incoherent thoughts, and he feared he might faint. He saw the light in his eyes flickering and his heart beat faltered.

Kou watched the pink of Yoshioka's lips moved, went on rambling with the frowning girls. He studied the mess of brown hair that fall over her shoulders, the small of her arms and the delicate digits of her fingers. Her facial feature was somewhat foreign, he recognized.

His breath hitched as he finally realized what was wrong

He didn't know a thing about her, except for her home address and her personality at school.

What life had she lead? How was it like to go back and forth? What was her life like over there? Is her family nice to her? Why was she here to begin with?

And why had he never asked her about her past?

… and to think that she would believe in his silent liking in her.

Perhaps he was that kind of guy after all. Despicable. He enjoyed smelling her hair, tasting her lips, holding her frame, living in her fiery fire, gawked at by her beautiful eyes. Pray tell his deepest desire - he would like to go to bed snuggling with her, or to have her hand in his when they stroll down the road.

But… he had never stalked her home, never attempted to pry her little heart for stories about her upbringing, or even prodded her brain for her to open up to him… like she did to him. The thing was- he thought she was already opened wide like a book. So, he assumed that he would never need to go to such extent.

He was like a child spoiled rotten in her blatant display of affection, so full of himself that he barely cared about her, too absorbed in his own ego and dreamy in his misery boat to pursue a more profound connection between them. He thought small physical connection, gesture like touches and hugs are enough. Little did he know…

So stupid… that he couldn't even perceive the feeling of his overdue desperate heart.

… and to say that he loves her. He couldn't quite believe in his idiocy, really.

Why didn't he explain the misunderstanding about the kiss and ask her out? Was it because of Narumi? _Woa, sounds so dumb. _

The mere thought of being separated from her by an ocean began to sink in and dawn on his egocentric brain. Kou heaved in a breath, desperate to bury the load of pressure down his chest. He looked up, suddenly felt sick as the scene played in front of him.

Kikuchi was tugging her away from the group mumbling something about stage preparation. She happily followed him after sending Shuuko and Yuuri a smiley wink.

The world in his mind swirled in no particular direction and he thought he might collapse because of the dizziness. Clasping his hands together under the table, he felt clammy and cold.

… She seemed to be losing interest in him.

**AN:**

That was very short, I told you already. I apologize in advance to avid readers who find the length distracting and unprofessional.

Thanks for reading. **Remember to tell me what you think. Review?**

**PS:**

Btw, how come I find that shojo mangas, lately, is very smutty and naughty, and what - the repeating mentioning of sex in High School conversation? I don't remember hearing kids talking about sex even in American schools. Pray tell me if I'm wrong.


	2. Tell Me

April 22, 2013

After seven chapters and seven long months or so, Kou remains being an asshole. So here we go.

**Chapter 2: Tell me**

He listlessly paced his feet in the direction of her house. The sun was setting, soft hue of orange painted the background of his leading shadow. He sighed, uncomfortably shifted the school bag on his shoulder. The pain ebbed away somewhat but his facial expression remained troubling. He needed to talk to her.

So, here he was. Kou stood half lit in the fading light, at the entrance to Yoshioka's house. He watched into the direction where he came from. Dark silhouettes of two figures slowly came into focus. One was hers, and the other was a man, one he had never seen before.

His resolved quavered and his security grew very weary. Had she mentioned of another man before? A quite tall nicely built one too, Kou bitterly admitted.

They finally approached, now standing merely two yards from him.

"Uhm…, this is my brother, you can call him Ken." She introduced her voice calm yet sweet and gentle as she inclined her head cutely towards her brother. "And, here's Kou, a friend of mine," she added.

She watched the men nodded politely in a quick gesture of greeting. Her brother sent her a silent message before proceeding inside the house gate. Yoshioka turned her attention back to Kou, "let's sit over there."

Kou followed quietly as they both sat down on a bench underneath a nearby tree. The lack of overly friendly terms they used to share added to the awkward atmosphere. He wanted to ask her many questions, previous thoughts and inquiries tumbling forth in his mind, and he was at lost how to start the conversation. She had already beaten him to it.

"How are you?" she asked, her voice soft and neutral, now turning to face him.

"I'm fine. You?" _Fuck. How lame! The only person who ever cares about you is stepping out your life and that is all you could say? _Kou berated himself. That same unsettling feeling at the pit of his stomach recede a fraction as he allowed her lovely presence to sooth him.

"Alright," she replied, her tone dropped its usual girly sound. "Hmm… What do you need to see me for?" Not that he mind the low voice, because it sounded like a string of sensual music to his ears.

Yoshioka started to lose her patience a little. Undetermined men, she doesn't think she could handle a close relationship with them anymore – too much for her frail nerve.

Kou inhaled visibly, "Tell me something I don't know." His eyes were looking straight in the direction of the lamp post located just around the corner of the street, unsure of her answer.

"My father passed away last week. We need to take his remaining back home to Orlando," she replied calmly, while her hands busying in search of something in her school bag.

"_What?_" Kou snapped his head back to see Yoshioka holding out a picture of a kind looking man. His attention still glued on the small photo for he was afraid to look up and catch the look on her face. His brows furrowed all the while as he let the information sunk in his poor brain. Someone very dear to his crush just died and he had no fucking idea. The knowledge of his ignorance slowly crept back from the recess of his mind, and he felt that familiar pang in his chest began to stir.

"He worked at a nuclear plant in Fukushima. There was a technical mishap or some accident last week after the main resolve months ago, and he was unfortunate." She explained, her eyes searching Kou's sagging head.

"Did you tell the girls?" He asked, doubting that her answer of yes or no would make him feel better.

"No… don't want to worry them."

"I would eventually know any. You could have talked to me, and I would be there for you." He looked up, dark eyes frowning as he stared into the reflection of the sunset in her honey orbs.

She could see the emotions swirling in those pretty eyes of his. But she was immune to such effects now, she experienced it herself already. Futaba was slightly touched, but after all, she could care less.

"You never asked," her voice deadpan and still.

The leaves stirred, whining softly as a whiff of evening wind passed by.

….

"_You never asked..._"

"_You never ask…_" the soft voice echo in his head and he turn to look onto the road. Memories of him and her caught up to him and his eyes furrowed and squinted at the intensity the pain brought about… It was her, who stalked and chased after him to the neighboring town. It was her, who found out the death of his mother. It was always her who tried to cheer him up and brought him the joy of high school. It was her that taught him life was good, easing him the burdens of the past…

And what had he ever done to her?

Pushing her feelings around as if he was experimenting them, kissing her then to tell her that it was a joke, touching her only to explain that it was an accident, leading her emotions on just to tell her that he wish for their friendship to remain, hugging her then to walk away and back to hugging himself and his past, not to mention hugging 'his' Narumi… _How sick and loathsome!_

The pressure gripped around his chest increased, a lump stuck in his throat and that burning sensation behind his nose began to form. He never asked her,… about her life, about her interest, about her family… her fucking anything.

"I think I understand what it feels like to lose someone you love now. At least, I didn't have to watch him dying. He just went on a long vacation after work." He barely caught her voice when she decided to interrupt the silence.

_No. No, you don't get it. It's worse. I'm so sorry. _He pleaded silently. He believed it was the other way around. At least he got to spend time with his mom. He then realized that he should treasure the memories. _Doesn't she get it? Her case is worse. _

"No, I knew what was to come. You didn't._" _The pain when you suddenly just lost someone you love. He understood it then, because the same thing is about to happen to him soon. Hell, it could be this very minute. And that said someone would be the small girl sitting right next to him.

That sting behind his eyes broke loose and hot liquid began to pool below the irises. He could feel it coming, so he lunged forth to wrap her in a tight embrace.

Coherent words failed him, and he could only mutter a chain of unintelligible syllables. "Please… I'm… I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry. I should have been there for you." The circle of his arms reduced in size and he pulled her closer. He didn't know what he was begging for since he was aware he didn't deserve any forgiveness.

His face buried in the back of her neck, her shoulder, as he let the tears spilled. "I'm sorry for pushing you away."

"Yeah, don't worry," He heard her mumbled softly into his shirt. The warmth radiated from her was his undoing. He didn't want to let her go, out of his arms.

She chuckled then, trying to ease the escalating intensity of the emotions accumulating between them, mainly from Kou's unstable hormones. "Geez, for someone who treated my first kiss as a joke, an accidental humiliation, you're awfully nice," her lilting voice lifted off playfully.

He froze.

No. That wasn't true. It wasn't a joke. None of it was caused by male hormones. It was never meant to hurt her. _Fuck, who was he kidding? It was evident enough how many times she sheds tears because of him._ Never meant to hurt her? _Fuck you. _His shame and guilt, like corroding acids, began to eat his guts. He could feel it.

"I never meant it. It wasn't a joke." He replied, mustering any remnants of courage he could find.

She droned on a prolonged "Hmm…" as she gave him a gentle pat on his back.

"Please, believe me. I love you." He breathed, that was it.

"That was quick. You didn't even say you like me yet." Yoshioka remarked as she pushed herself out of his arms. Her pink lips parted slightly in surprise upon catching the redness in his eyes.

"Don't you get it? I am serious," Kou emphasized, his eyes diverted to the side while sat facing her.

"Okay," She replied. Her face resumed its calm and cold expression, although she tried to feign interest in looking at his handsome face.

No. This is not how it is supposed to be. Kou thought and the pain near his heart instinctively twisted and squeezed again. He felt as if the pressure of the fire inside his chest might burst out any moments. His brain was a jumble of thoughts and words. How can he really convince her? How can he worm back to become the center of her attention again? Just let him be selfish once more.

"You like me right? Why are you not blushing? Why are you so calm and resolved?" In the midst of desperation, he grabbed her shoulders, his breathing hard. His voice strained and coiled with emotions that she knew of pretty well.

Having her shoulders grabbed and manhandled after being crushed in a choking embrace was not remotely pleasant. She might have liked him, loved him even. But somehow, the feeling is foreign to her now. Perhaps it is still there, buried somewhere within the recess of her overloaded brain. She thought that she might have grown really stupid now.

And in her confusing haze, she questioned herself aloud.

"How am I am supposed to know?"

And she watched as her face was met with the front of Kou's shoulder again. She could feel his arms linked into her hair as they hung lifeless around the small of her back. The warmth seeped through and she noticed his large form slumped onto her in an apologetic manner.

…

**Next chapter:** When will she leave? What will he do?

Tell me what you think. If you favorite it, please at least leave me a review and tell me what you think. Way to show your support to the series and poor authoress ne?


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